I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
