Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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