I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
