she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
