my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
