Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
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These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
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i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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