I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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