I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
