the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
