Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
