I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
