So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
