I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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