I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
