ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
