He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
