Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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