$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
