he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
