I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
