Umm I'm too high to move.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
