where am i from again
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
