ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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