I bet he comes in French.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
