I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
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I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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