so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
