My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize