I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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