my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
