I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
