so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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