I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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