Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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