Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
