Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
