Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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