saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
