what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
