The maid of honor just puked.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
