2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
