and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
