White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
