I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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