did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
