forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
