We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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