It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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