You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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