I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
