What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I puked a lego.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
