what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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