When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Come on in and take your pants off
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