I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize