i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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