woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize