They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
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Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
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The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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