I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
