Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
