Me too!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
