Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
