just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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