hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
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Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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