quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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