Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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